You Might Be A Mutant
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood takes to the airwaves with 'warning signs' of mutation.


**The Host of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader has taken away the disclaimer that I don't own anything. If you have to write a lot of these disclaimers saying that you don't own the characters you are writing about, you might be a fan fiction writer. But if your day is filled with madness and insanity…**

**You Might Be A Mutant**

"Hello everyone! And welcome yet again to **another **edition of BMZ," Pietro introduced the Brotherhood on camera. "Tonight we didn't have enough good gossip to go around, so we decided to do a public service!"

"You're moving out of town?" Wanda quipped.

"No, we're going to tell people the warning signs of being a mutant," Pietro gave his sister a look.

"Yeah like if you can fly without an airplane," Todd said. "You might be a mutant. Or if you can touch your tongue to your back, you might be a mutant. Like this!"

Todd then proceeded to demonstrate. "That's an image that will keep me up at night," Lance sighed.

"You guys are just gonna rip off Jeff Foxworthy aren't you?" Wanda asked. "Not that I'm surprised. You guys don't have an original bone in your body."

"It's a public service announcement to help people spot the warning signs!" Pietro huffed. "Like for example if you can turn on your TV without using a remote control. There is a chance you might be a mutant."

"If for some bizarre reason you can hear you best friend confessing on how she is sleeping around with your boyfriend, but her lips **ain't moving**…" Fred spoke. "You might be a mutant."

"If people in capes and masks keep showing up at your doorstep and wanting you to join them, chances are it's not gonna be the circus," Pyro said. "You might actually be a mutant."

"If you live with a bunch of idiots that can't do **anything **right, you seriously need to get **new friends,"** Wanda sighed as she walked off camera. "I can't take part in this. I'm going to get a burger."

"Fine! We'll do this ourselves!" Pietro snapped. "If you keep falling through doors and they're **not open**, you might be a mutant."

"If you are growing hair or **scales** in places that can't be covered by a bathing suit," Todd remarked. "You might be a mutant."

"If you see cars exploding every day and you don't live near a demolition derby…" Fred said. "You might be a mutant."

"If you are constantly worried about giant robots hunting you down, chances are you might be a mutant," Lance said.

"If you think that any day no one notices your long tail is a good day, you might be a mutant," Todd said.

"If you have to buy dandruff shampoo by the **case**," Fred added. "You might be a mutant."

"The same is also true if you are accused of breaking a leash law and you don't own a dog," Todd added.

"If you wear spandex every day but haven't gone on a date in **years**…" Pietro quipped. "Well actually there could be **two** explanations for that."

"If you talk to animals and they talk **back,**" Pyro said. "You could just need some new medication."

"By the way how is your new medication?" Lance asked.

"Oh good," Pyro nodded. "The voices I hear in my head now are much nicer."

"If you accidentally break a **wall,**" Lance said to the audience. "The chances of you being a mutant are quite high. Especially if you do it with either your eyes or bare fist."

"If for some bizarre reason metal objects stick to your body," Pietro said. "Mutant!"

"If your parents call in a priest for an exorcism cause of all the weird stuff you do and you ain't even Catholic," Fred spoke. "You might be a mutant."

"If you worry that your outfit will clash with the color of your scales or fur…" Todd went on. "Yep, you're a mutant all right."

"If you take an hour to explain to the cops why the laser guns on your front lawn keep going off…" Pyro said. "You might be a mutant. Or extremely paranoid."

"If you can literally give your boyfriend the **kiss of death,"** Fred said. "You might be a mutant."

"If the Chess Club won't let you into their club because they think you might hurt their image," Pietro said. "You are very likely a mutant."

"If you can make your homeroom teacher think he's George Washington just by **thinking** about it…" Lance said. "You might be a mutant. And extremely lucky when it comes to final exams."

"If you spend more time fighting **monsters** than boredom," Pyro said. "Again an excellent chance that you are a mutant."

"If your idea of a workout involves lasers, flame throwers and buzz saws…" Lance said. "You might be a mutant."

"If you are constantly told to leave a restaurant because of a **health code** violation," Todd rolled his eyes. "You might be a mutant."

"If you consider the **sewers** to be your next place of residence," Pietro said. "You might be a mutant."

"If the army is constantly trying to recruit you and you're not even out of **middle school** yet," Pyro said. "You might be a mutant."

"If your mood swings tend to destroy city property and uproot trees…" Fred said. "You might be a mutant."

"If your roommates constantly complain about all the slime you leave in the bathroom," Todd shrugged. "Well they should be grateful that you use the bathroom at all!"

"We are," Fred shrugged.

"If you are constantly telling your school principal that the earthquakes are **not** your fault, you might be a mutant!" Pyro said.

"If you can make fire burn hotter, bigger or recreate a scene from 'High School Musical'," Lance said. "You are definitely a **nut job**!"

"Well at least I don't have twenty seven versions of the same uniform in my closet!" Pyro snapped pointing at Pietro.

"I do **not** have twenty seven versions!" Pietro snapped. "I have twelve versions and an extra two for special occasions! At least my clothes aren't considered an alien life form! Or I'm so fat that whenever I go to the beach the tide comes in!"

"Oh a fat joke! How **original!"** Fred snapped. "At least we never have to worry about your mind wandering! It's too weak to go too far!"

"This from Albert Einstein here!" Pietro snapped. "I'd pick your brain for ideas but there aren't any tweezers that small! I however am a man of vision! A man of rare bravery and leadership!"

"Yeah it's **rare **whenever you show any!" Lance snapped.

"Good one mate!" Pyro laughed.

"This from a guy who thinks **fire** goes with everything?" Pietro snapped.

"It **doesn't?**" Pyro blinked.

"You better watch your mouth, Pietro before I pop you one!" Fred made a fist.

"Go ahead and try!" Pietro zoomed behind him and gave him a large wedgie. "Ha ha!"

Then he was slimed by Todd. "Ewwwww!"

"Fire time!" Pyro lit up his lighter. "Here comes Mr. Flickers!"

"AAAAH! NO! NOT MISTER FLICKERS!" Everyone screamed.

A giant fire dragon appeared and roared. And of course the Brotherhood reacted appropriately. They ran for their lives screaming all over the set.

And of course, the X-Men watched all of this on television.

"If you can't even go a **week** without embarrassing yourself and everyone you know," Rogue quipped. "You might be a member of the Brotherhood."

"By the way, who put snow in my underwear drawer?" Scott glared at Bobby. "As if I have to ask!"

"Maybe next time you won't run another stupid two hour jungle simulation," Bobby snapped.

"Okay I'll run a **three** hour jungle simulation! And another thing, Kurt I am sick of cleaning up after you take a shower!" Scott snapped. "Your fur is clogging up the drain!"

"I shed! I can't help it!" Kurt snapped. "At least I don't ice up the shower stalls!"

"It helps unclog my pores!" Bobby snapped at him. "Don't ask me why or how. It's an ice thing! Besides I had to ice up the wall the last time or else everyone in the mansion would have watched me take a shower…Cyclops!"

"My goggles slipped!" Scott snapped. "It happens!"

"Yeah it just **happens** before I have my shower!" Bobby snapped.

"Maybe if you and Kurt didn't keep having **snowball fights** in the Danger Room…" Scott began.

"If you constantly have to deal with **annoying idiots** that have the weirdest arguments on the planet," Rogue sighed. "You might be an X-Man."


End file.
